I was looking at class schedules for college, and majority of the classes I wanted to take on base over summer were on Wednesdays.. Wednesdays are the days my practices are held on. When I explained this to my dad he asked me, “what’s more important, dance or school?”
And as idiotic as it sounds, I couldn’t choose. Yes, I know I need to go to college. It’s what I’ve worked up for my whole educational career, but dance? Dance is my passion.. It drives me, motivates me, and after JUST making advanced? How could you ask me to give up something like that? The only thing I truly love, the only thing that makes me feel anything close to happy anymore. I can’t, and I won’t.. Ill just take other courses for now I suppose.
It’s funny. I sit here almost dreaming of what my potential could be with this girl. Strange really, I’ve never even talked to her. Well maybe once, nah. I’ve just never seen someone like her, let alone been attracted to a girl like her. I think it’s something in the way she walks, how she carries herself. She seems so content and confident, things I’m not. I think that’s what I thrive for, to learn from her and learn to be whatever she wants. Anything.
I’m always the one in the relationship that fucks with the other’s emotions. I like when people try to be that person when they’re with me, it’s just like “wow I bet you’ll be the one to cry ok”.
I sit here telling people to move on, but here I am still stuck in the past. Typical.
It’s going to be such a long day, I can already tell. Maybe it’s because it’s raining, I’ve never been much a fan of grey weather. Grey anything really, well besides eyes, or clothes I suppose. I have so much to do today, but I just want to be high or drunk all the time. How depressing does your life have to be when all you yearn to do in the day is sleep, smoke, or drink. I should really start seeing someone already. I’m tired of feeling so worthless, so empty..
I guess I just want a cute, mousy girl that I can take to dinner all the time. The one that’ll appreciate when I leave starbucks on her doorstep with little messages on the cup. The girl that I can take to the spot in De Luz, or to the beach just to watch the waves. We could go on bike rides, and watch movies all day. Anything. I just want someone I can take care of, because lately I’ve grown tired of being that girl.
I don’t want to be anything but high or drunk anymore. Like all the time, everyday please. This is fucking ridiculous.
It just feels nice to be reminded by so many people how much I’m really worth. I never give myself credit, and I’m sure it’s because of you. If anything, you’re trash. Goodbye asshole!
This is really setting me over.. I don’t even know if anything is worth it anymore