I'm Niki. Forever cruel, heartless, and sarcastic - yet still a hopeless romantic.

(Gay as fuck)

You are my moon, and the wind that breezes through my hair. You’re the air I breathe, and the water running down my cheeks. You are the world to me.

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I want to wake up in your arms every morning. With your shirt draped over me and the two of us sharing the same pillow. I want your warmth there even if you aren’t. This fire we have, it keeps me going. You’re all I’ve ever wanted since the day I first saw you. I thank the stars everyday for listening to my whispered wishes.

It’s two in the morning and my head is spinning and my heart is racing because I had the worst dream. You went into surgery and didn’t wake up. I watched myself fall apart in my dream, and saw how long and how agonising life was without you the months afterwards. I’m so scared to lose you, and if anything happened to you I’d break. I love you so much, so much it scares me. I can’t stop crying, and I’m shaking because it’s hurts to even remember this. I miss you every second you’re gone, I lounge in your shirts after you leave to feel closer to you. I watch old videos I’ve taken of you to hear your voice and pretend you’re here. I do anything to trick myself into thinking you’re around just so I don’t have to feel like this. I love you so much. I love your smile, and your warmth. I love the way you say things, and how easy it is to get lost in your arms. I love when you put your arms around me because it makes me forget anything bad that’s ever happened in the past. Your love is warm and welcoming, you’re the closest thing I’ve found to complete bliss. You’re my sanctuary. You’re my hope, my inspiration. I never want to lose you. I love you so much, and I don’t think I show that enough.

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"Collapse" — Vancouver Sleep Clinic

"Cavalier" — James Vincent McMorrow

You’re here in this bed with me, so why do I feel so empty? I can’t help but think of waking up and having you not there one day; thinking that one night will be your last here. Honestly, it terrifies me. Scares the absolute shit out of me. The nights you aren’t here, I can’t even manage to get a smidge of rest. How am I supposed to pick up my life where I left it before I met you once you finally realize how worthless I am? I don’t think I could ever find what I’ve found in you, in anyone else. I try to put on a brave face and act like everything is fine, but when I’m alone for a second I break down and realize how detrimental this relationship really is. You have to power to break me at any moment, how can you sit there and tell me that you’re in love with a person like me? No one is capable of loving someone like me, I’m worth nothing. I’m so scared.. I feel like I’m falling apart, but I can’t break down right now. You’re still in my bed.

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I want to get lost in this sea of blankets, but only if you help me steer this ship.

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"Oldie" — Odd Future

Your lips taste like my future


"Doses and Mimosas" — Cherub

"The Best Thing" — Electric Youth

I couldn’t picture myself with anyone else other than you

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"Girl" — The Beatles

"Asleep" — The Smiths

"Heartbeat" — Childish Gambino